I am extremely delighted to have Gopika Kapoor join Kidsstoppress.com as a guest blogger. If you would like to request for specific topics then please do drop us an email at info@kidsstoppress.com or share it in the comments below or on Facebook or Twitter.
Gopika Kapoor, the author of well known books like Spiritual Parenting: Wisdom (and Wit) for Raising your Child in a Stress-free and Spiritual Environment, talks about her experience after becoming a parent.
Let me start with a confession: Before I became a parent, I was a bit of a Ms. Know-All. I could be quite painful, always telling people that what I knew and did was best. And God forbid, I turned out to be right – I’d never let you hear the end of it.
And then my twins happened. With the single act of giving birth, everything I thought and believed was turned on its head. All at once I was standing on uneven ground. My assuredness, my ideas of ‘this is how it has to be done’ were thrown up into the air. But with this uncertainty came an openness and a flexibility, an acceptance of ‘maybe I’m not always right’. And this was incredibly liberating.
I’ve been a parent for nine years to two very different children. Every day has been a challenge, but it has also been rewarding, enriching, educative, and so much fun! And after almost a decade, here are 5 things I know for sure:
1. You may not fall in love at first sight, but you will love like never before:
Another confession: when I saw my tiny, rather scraggly babies, my first thought was not on the lines of ‘I’ve been waiting for you all my life’, but more like ‘get back in! I don’t think I want you.’ Motherhood is replete with love at first sight anecdotes, but it took me a full two months to really love my kids. Then, I realized that I had never known what it was like to feel so much responsibility, protection, fear and unbelievable love for a person. And I knew I was hooked – for life.
2. Never Say Never:
In my pre-parent avatar I was like a parrot who kept repeating the ‘never’ mantra – I will never give my kids a bottle, I will never leave them at night, I will never allow them junk food , I will never let them watch TV…. The list went on. I quickly realised that these proclamations would not work in the real world. Since then, I have a new mantra: Everything (safe) in moderation.
3. They Are Always Watching You:
I know, this sounds a bit creepy, but trust me – your kids are always watching you and hearing what you say. We even call my daughter ‘Big Ears’ because we know that if we are talking, especially about some spicy gossip, her ears are up and fully alert. We all lose our temper at times, yell, kick, scream, but remember that your kids are picking up how to behave from you.
4. We Have Tons to Learn From Our Kids:
Recently, I got told off by my daughter for calling our help ‘maid’ not ‘didi’. Sometime back, my son admonished me for not sharing the donuts we had bought with a little girl who came asking at our car window. Sometimes I think I have little teachers living in my house who constantly pull me up for bad behaviour, not being compassionate and not sharing, and just not being a good human being. We just have to be open to the lessons they’re trying to teach us.
5. Kids Need Downtime… and So Do You:
We are so intent on packing our kids’ days with classes, play dates, parks, parties and in the midst of this we don’t realise that they need time to ‘look at the clouds’, as someone once told me. And so do you. It’s okay to take time out for yourself and to give your kid a break as well. So just chill – you’ll both be the better for it.
There’s so much more that I’ve learned and keep learning. And so will you. Just be open, discover new aspects to yourself and your child and be happy!
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