Black or White

It all begins at a very young age from colour, hair, height, sharing habits and grows itself to toys, dolls, back presents, parties and before you know they know whats ugly, beautiful, rich, poor, cool car and nerdy car, holiday destinations, stationary and the works. Addressing needs, wants & desires: If there are things that are not within your budget or are a stretch let your child be aware that there is a difference between needs and wants. Avoid the BFF syndrome: This one is very important for kids at all ages especially when they are young as they are so impressionable that its important for them to have friends from all stratas of society, different cultural & religious differences4. Now is the time I have to make her feel so secure in her space that she is never complexed or wonders why my parents cant get me this, or why our house is different, or why her moms dressing is different or she uses public transport or does not have a big birthday bash, or is pretty or ugly, fair or dark. What most moms do and that includes me is we make our kids hang out and play with moms that we are most comfortable with which is great, but sometimes we should also take the effort of meeting up with friends whom they like and we may not get along.

This is one of my favourite articles that I wrote for Mom & Me’s blog Momsdiaries . Do let us know your feedback and especially if you agree!

They say birds of a feather flock together and itâ€™s true for us humans too. We are actually more biased than the ducks were to â€˜ugly duckling.â€™ We form, groups, clans and comfort zones much faster than anyone else. Thatâ€™s what our kids inherit too. They also are drawn to someone either of the same sex and later with someone they find themselves more tuned too.

At first itâ€™s innocence where they ask questions about the differences between people and you will search for the right answers to share. If you need to share the right values then itâ€™s got to be a soul searching answer.

To explain them that different does not mean bad or black is not ugly takes a lot of maturity and consistency on the mom. Maybe thatâ€™s why it took me the longest time to read the ugly duckling to the daughter. It all begins at a very young age from colour, hair, height, sharing habits and grows itself to toys, dolls, back presents, parties and before you know they know whatâ€™s ugly, beautiful, rich, poor, cool car and nerdy car, holiday destinations, stationary and the works.

This thought occurred to me when the other day my daughter asked me why is that baby asking for food and money on the road? She was saddened to see that he was asking for food. More often than not parents shun the beggars away without realizing that our kids will emulate us. While we all try to be polite at most times but lose our cool sometimes. So moms & dads please ensure you are kind to those who are not so fortunate and make our kids realize that they are fortunate and empathize with those who are not.

So what do parents do?

1. Talk to them: When you feel that they do pass comments or have started acknowledging differences instead of shoving it under the blanket for a later day.

2. Addressing needs, wants & desires: If there are things that are not within your budget or are a stretch let your child be aware that there is a difference between needs and wants. Everything is not accessible to everybody. Make him aware of all the things he needs to be thankful to god about vs. Just cribbing about what he doesnâ€™t have. Trust me when I say this but he will understand it then and respect you for it later. I mean donâ€™t think its hard as you have already done it until now right?

3. Avoid the BFF syndrome: This one is very important for kids at all ages especially when they are young as they are so impressionable that its important for them to have friends from all stratas of society, different cultural & religious differences

4. Be confident & secure in your space. If you are confident as a parent and donâ€™t mind being honest of the choices you make then your child will also do it. If you donâ€™t mind taking the bus outside the school or hail a cab when all others have chauffer driven cars your child will also not mind it. Dont hesitate to help a less enabled or special child or acknowledge physical, cultural or religious differences in a positive manner.

5. Never shun: Never let him know that its not important to you and that you donâ€™t disregard what they are saying. If its important to them it is important to you too.

I am scared too that the daughter whose questions until now were innocent and not so insistent will now get more pressing. She will interact with people from even more diverse backgrounds and now is the time where I have to get her value system right. Now is the time I have to make her feel so secure in her space that she is never complexed or wonders why my parents cant get me this, or why our house is different, or why her moms dressing is different or she uses public transport or does not have a big birthday bash, or is pretty or ugly, fair or dark.

Donâ€™t bias his mind with the prejudice you have against someone. What most moms do and that includes me is we make our kids hang out and play with moms that we are most comfortable with which is great, but sometimes we should also take the effort of meeting up with friends whom they like and we may not get along. Why should all the rules and lessons be only for the babies?

I just wish I can raise a confident individual who can walk the talk with person from anywhere across the globe without losing her individuality and loves both the black and the white.