If you missed Part 1 of this series on moving abroad with your family, you can click here
Ask anyone what they want to do and 9 times out of 10 they will say travel. Well, guess what? You’ve just won the lottery on that. You are getting sent abroad for work and now holiday and life have become one, Right? No. Why not?
Well, you have children and suddenly you don’t feel quite so carefree anymore. Before you know it, the worries set in and you end up talking yourself out of an opportunity of a lifetime. I’m back with my second article on moving abroad.
I’m a Third Culture Kid and I’m raising Third Culture Kids and I’m here to tell you that fear not, it can be done and not only done, but it can also be enjoyed!
Moving abroad with children seems overwhelming at first. Without your ready-made ‘village’ either urban or arcadian – things can definitely be challenging but there are ways in which those challenges can not only be anticipated but they can also be managed. Slowly but surely, before you know it, you are having a grand old time.
Go outside every day
It is that simple and also, that difficult. Go outside, walk around, drink a coffee, read a book, meet and make new friends, join a conversation class.
Do something that tickles your fancy but whatever it is that you choose to do, get yourself outside the house. It will do wonders for your mental health.
It will banish the demons of isolation that will at first threaten to swallow you up. Going outside is an example of a daily ritual you can follow to help you feel grounded in a foreign country. I’ve been living in Switzerland for six years now and I still do it. If the weather is rubbish, then I head to the shopping centre. Something as basic as the exchange of a smile and a nod with the barista can make all the difference. Walk the streets, use public transport, own the city and make it your home. You have brought something of yourself to this new country, this new city. You are lucky to have it in your life, it is lucky to have you.
Dressing Up/Down:
When dressing your children (and yourself), it is important to
remember the old Scandanavian proverb that there is no such thing as bad weather, there are simply bad clothes.
In the winter, it is best and safest to dress yourself and your children in layers. There’s a lot of fluctuation between outdoor and indoor temperatures so it is wise to prepare in advance for that. Contrary to popular belief, European and American summers can be blisteringly hot. During the summer months, light and airy, (full-sleeve and full-length, if like me, you burn easily) cotton clothes from India are a blessing.
What happens if you, the trailing spouse and parent, find a job or if you launch a business?
Well, congratulations! Being a full-time parent is incredibly hard work and so is being a working parent. In order to make the most of this opportunity, you need to find appropriate care for your child.
Each country has its own childcare culture (this is where the Facebook groups really come into their own) and my only word of advice (as someone who has worked in childcare) would be to be nice, friendly, and respectful of the people who look after your children in your absence.
Additionally, familiarise yourself with the laws of your host country and mug up on what you are entitled to if your child gets sick and whether you and/or your partner needs to stay home to look after them. Even if you have lived as a nuclear family in India, the experience of looking after a sick child in a foreign country is a little more daunting simply because it's unfamiliar.
If you are a trailing spouse, try to seek opportunities for a portable business, a source of income that you can take with you. I’ve met numerous women (and I am afraid, all the trailing spouses I have met so far, including myself, have been women) who are actually putting their Indian MBAs to practical use whether it be through online consulting, managing property portfolios, freelance work and so on and so forth. Uprwork, Freelancer, Fiverr – these are some venues that you might like to check out. This will have an impact on how you view and value family time which can only ever impact your children positively.
Involve the extended family:
The family Whatsapp group is going to take on a different appeal. During the baby years and beyond, both your child and you will continue to have many firsts. Take pictures and make the videos and send them to your nearest and dearest. Schedule Skype calls each week, make time for each other across the continents.
To be honest, I’ve even used a Whatsapp video call so that my mum babysits my two-year-old while I can send off a job application.
We are surrounded by technology so its important that we make it work for us. We even did a ‘haathe -khori’ (a secular Bengali custom where a child is introduced to the world of learning and letters) over Skype. Necessity truly is the mother of invention!
Make time for each other and a hobby:
In the initial honeymoon days of moving abroad as a family, you will find yourself living for the weekend. You will count down to the weekend and if you live somewhere as beautiful as Switzerland, you will want to keep exploring. However, those heady days later settle into halcyon days when real life takes over. When it does, welcome it.
Find a space in your life for yourselves, both together and apart. With the children in school/daycare/nursery, allow yourselves to date again even if it is ‘only’ a day-date.
Talk to your partner and see how you can support each other to pursue your own passions. For example, my husband has discovered running. I, on the other hand, have finally begun to take my writing seriously. If it hadn’t been for Switzerland, I would probably still have been waiting.
The great thing about moving abroad is that along with meeting everyone else, you also get to meet yourself. You get to learn who you are without the props that have been holding your life in place all along. I was happy to live in England and then I was happy to fall in love and move to Kolkata. Kolkata introduced me to a new me. Switzerland did the same. It taught me resilience, it taught me to sustain friendships across borders, across cultures and across communities.
If I were to move again tomorrow, I would do so in a heartbeat.
Janani S Koushik
Mansi Zaveri
Rati Ramadas Girish
