I often feel that my life is on a fast forward mode. So many events happen in a single day that makes me feel I am living several lifetimes rolled into one. Caring for kids, emotionally, physically, running a home, family, work and few fleeting moments for myself. While caring for each of these enriches me, I find myself craving for more moments of nothingness. The silence that nourishes my being, that shifts my focus from doing things for the sake of it to doing them with love. When we do things with love there is joy in the doing rather than trying to finish the task at hand.
It was this beauty that I was trying to explain my kids but words alone didn’t do the trick. Like all mothers I want my kids to realise their dreams, be the best they can be, but above all I want them to be wonderful human beings. Here is a list of things that we have been practising together and we are lucky that it is working for us. Don’t be disheartened if something doesn’t work immediately, give it some time.
Understanding Emotions:
1. Reading books, talking openly about emotions and our feelings to our kids, helps them build their understanding of the same. We must always communicate and express ourselves, but not be hurtful because we too could be at the giving or receiving end at any point.
2. Understanding that we can’t be happy all the time. It is important to remember that it’s okay to be sad at times, and what is essential is that we are together in everything.
3. Allow some time every week for complete free time to choose what they want to do. Engage them in some swimming, running or some physical activity. It will surely do them a world of good.
4. We can facilitate the release of emotions by allowing a child to tear a newspaper with gust, crush it and throw it when they have been angry or prickly for a while. Kids, at times simply need a metaphor to throw out anger, as much as we at times want to break something. Burst some balloons, play with bubble wrap. Participate with them so that they do not feel under the scanner.
Building Kindness and Empathy:
1. Engage in an act of kindness every week- it could be individually or as a family. It doesn’t have to be monetary, it could be feeding the birds, ants, donating things we don’t need, etc. Just the joy of observing another being closely melts us all.
2. Speaking with kindness to everyone around us, whether it is the vegetable vendor or an auto-rickshaw driver etc. Kids watch and observe every action and this forms their outlook towards the world. There are times when I have slipped and explained why the auto ride was so unpleasant and that on second thoughts I could have perhaps done better and not reacted.
3. Explain to your kids that it’s okay to make mistakes. It’s not the end of the world and that we are there to embrace them. We all slip sometimes, the beauty is to stand up again, take the learning and move on. As parents, we need extra patience to not react when faux-pas happens, but point out the learning and help clean the mess and show support.
4. Make them responsible for their actions. If someone falls down we may choose to laugh or lend a helping hand. The key is to point out ‘how do you feel if this happens to you?’ Over time they choose to respond with compassion.
Building Gratitude:
1. Thank profusely- your help, your staff, parents, everyone who makes your life easier. They learn best when they watch us living in gratitude. Thank, for not just gifts and special occasions but as a way of life.
2. A simple exercise to be done each night at bedtime is to sit together and share one thing that brought joy in our day. Discuss simple things, like something you ate, a joke you shared, about the extra sunshine on a rainy day etc. They will start recognising that things alone don’t bring joy, moments do and that our days are already filled with extra love and care.
So, cheers to raising not just happy and strong kids but ones that are always kind and innocent at heart.
Image source: mommyish.com
Shruti Divecha
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