In spite of India’s strong patriarchal set-up, it is gladdening to see some parents go ahead and use both their surnames for their child. Here is a list of popular Indian celebrities who led the way! But the sad thing is the society still resorts t name-calling and judges them.
We at KSP asked moms to write in and share their experiences of being mom-shamed, judged and ridiculed and we have received numerous responses from moms who have been victims but decided to march ahead and pursue their dreams. Today’s story is about being judged because you choose to have a work life away from your kids
Scroll down to read this mom- Deeksha Kamotra Arora’s take on mom shaming and why we must rise above these judgements.
Pregnancy is a beautiful feeling and with time, every expectant mom is all geared up to take the challenge.
As women, we love to plan, but many times, those never turn into reality after the child arrives. I still remember the first day when DeeRanshh was born after 14 hours of labour a healthy, happy and a mini-me was blessed in my arms. I was thrilled with joy and the abundant love. But within a few hours, the focus changes to the new member in the family and you end up feeling ignored.
And a few months later no matter what you do you are just JUDGED. All of a sudden, everyone knows what to do and how to do except you-the mom. Elder women in the family love passing judgements and give unsolicited advice. Younger women who aren't moms yet love to dole out advice too!
Being a professional and having the urge to get back to work and spend time with my child- new moms who work, will know what that means!
As a woman/girl I always had a wish that whenever I have a child his surname should be of both our families. So I told my husband and after a lot of thinking, he agreed. But when my child's name appeared in the passport, I didn't get enough support from my extended family and questions were asked that made me feel upset and uncomfortable.
There were also 1uestions from the senior male members from the family on how many times I was feeding my child and if he was fed enough! This baffled me! And when I decided to hire a nanny to help me raise my child, so that my inlaws wouldn't feel burdened, my in-laws felt insecure and questioned her presence in the house. Judgements were passed on how much work I was actually doing and how the entire responsibility of raising my son fell on the nanny's shoulders. Sigh!
I also went through a bad post-partum depression and when I confided that to my mom-in-law she ridiculed it and said it's isn't true. For days together, people in the house would stop talking to me. The long working hours also put a strain on my husband's relationship with me. My nanny was blamed for not helping in the kitchen when the baby needed attention. My intention to pursue my career and help ease the financial burden on my husband wasn't seen in the right manner and I was judged. Yet again. And when another child was born in the family, the comparisons were made and I was pitted against the other mother in the family and people started making judgements yet again.
But what keeps me going is the unconditional love that comes from DeeRanshh which has way more weight than people and situations where I get judged all the time.
There is only one question I want to ask every one woman who is a mother- why is it so difficult to empathize with another woman? We sure know the difference between a well-intended advice and a judgement passed!
Let's make it a viable plan for one another let's stop playing politics to make your own points and put the other woman down in the family. Let's support each other to live a healthy and happier life let's stop judging each other #JudgeMeNot
Mommies- if you are inspired to share your experiences on being mommy-shamed or judged- here's what you need to do. Write to us about your experiences on being judged/mommy-shamed and how you reacted to it.
- Click here to share your experience right away.
- Don't forget to add a few lines about yourself, your social handles and a pic (in the above format- with the #JudgeMeNot placard)
- We would be giving you super moms a shout out on our social platforms and tagging you.
Let's do this for our tribe and put an end to mom-shaming once and for all. #SimplifyingParenting
Rati Ramadas Girish
Mansi Zaveri
Saraswati Datar
Janani S Koushik
