How I Learned to Manage Expectations & Succeed As A Teen

The article has been co-written by Urshita Sharma, a teenager who has been down this path.

What does it mean to succeed and at what cost is it acceptable? Ask yourselves this.

We live in a world where success equals pretty much everything and I’m not gonna lie, I wanna be successful as well. To continue living the comfortable life I’ve had all these years thanks to my parents, I need to be successful. But are we going about it in the right way? I don’t think so. 

Now, I’m all for hard work. However, there’s a minor problem (okay MAJOR) that is often overlooked when it comes to success and teens. Since we and pretty much everybody around us is focused on the end product, the method if not always then at least more than sometimes is overlooked.

Are you still confused as to where I’m going with this? Well, I’ll tell you. We’re talking about how the pressure to succeed is causing teens to have mental health issues. 

Since we were able to understand and comprehend human language, one thing that was always told to us was to do well in life because the consequence of not doing so was bad. So in a way, yes, there’s always been pressure on us to succeed in our lives. Now, this pressure has a lot of sources – family, friends, media, even neighbours (who really don’t have any business poking their nose in our business) and of course to not disappoint them, we often end up doing things that are “expected” of us rather than doing something we like.

One of the most common mental health issues faced by teens is stress. Sadly, stress is not only limited to your mind, it eventually spreads to your whole body. How? I’ll tell you. 

During the final months of 10th grade, all of a sudden I became detached. In simpler words, I just stopped caring about or doing anything. My parents and my close ones would try to understand what was going on with me but that didn’t work cause at that point I had just stopped communicating.

Causes of extreme stress due to various reasons like

• Not doing well in school
• Peer group issues
• Unsure about stream choice
• Just general pressure

Now obviously because I didn’t know what stream to take in 11th, I was doomed and my career was doomed (I hope you know this was sarcasm, guys). For me, the pressure was more like a physical burden that only seemed to grow more and more as time passed and my health both mentally and physically started deteriorating. I couldn’t bear the fact that I wasn’t the “most intelligent” kid anymore and because of that thought process, instead of trying to work through it, I was ready to give up.

I stopped paying attention in class, didn’t talk to my parents or friends, started eating a whole lot of junk food and stopped exercising at all. I didn’t go out, no, I didn’t want to go out. I was ashamed but I was also too lazy to change. I had become complacent with where I was (not a good place, btw).

Another thing I noticed was that I had become scared of people and their stares. Now, they won’t even be staring at me but anytime I passed someone in public my mind would start telling me that they had been talking about me and I would just shut down even more. With strangers, yes, it wasn’t a problem. But with friends?

Yeah, it was like one of those situations where when a group of friends would be talking and would stop as soon as you entered. Talk about a worse feeling than that. 

In other words, I had stopped growing. I lost all motivation to do well. I became too preoccupied with what other people were thinking about me that I forgot I had things to be done. I started questioning my decisions and often asked myself “Will I succeed only if I get full marks?”, “Will I only be happy when I’m a doctor?”

It is imperative to understand here that no full marks, no specific career options lead to you being successful.

And even if it does is being successful worth more than your mental health and happiness? I think not. What about you? 

One thing that my parents always told me growing up was that I don’t work hard and succeed for them, I do it for myself. To give myself a better life, to give my future generations a better life like the one my parents provided me with and most importantly to be happy. But I realized it a bit late. Well then, how did I change?

Well, of course, I’ll share my secrets. Come on, let’s go –

Acknowledge My Stress & Pressure – Once I became aware of my issues, the next step was acknowledging them. I showed myself compassion, was kinder to myself, started loving myself and worked my way past my troubles.

Search For New Hobbies – This worked so well for me. When I started losing interest in pretty much everything I liked doing, I sought out new activities and hobbies. I found out that I enjoyed writing poetry and also joined taekwondo.

Relax – A new activity can be exhausting so give yourself time to relax. Take a warm bubble bath and have a drink (non-alcoholic guys). Have some ‘YOU’ time. 

Sleep – It’s very important to sleep. Go to sleep at a proper time and sleep for at least 7 hours. A teenager requires many hours to function properly. Once I stayed up for 36 hours straight and trust me when I say I could see myself going insane guys. Don’t take this lightly. Rest well.

Talk to someone- I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. Communicating/talking to someone is extremely important at our age. It could be anybody you feel comfortable with and trust. Do it, I know it’s hard but it’s very helpful.

It’s not easy but it gets better. It’s absolutely okay to figure things out on your own. You’re your own person. It’s okay to want to take a break sometimes. Life is hard and nobody’s ever figured out how to get through it all without any obstacles because that’s not reality. You grow into a brave person with each obstacle you cross. So remember this pressure that you’re under is gonna go away with time.

You can do it. I believe in you.