The Dilemma Of Today’s Mothers: A Blow To Feminism?

The definition of Feminism according to the Oxford Dictionary is “The advocacy of women's rights on the ground of the equality of the sexes.”

In my opinion, the equality of sexes is a myth. An un-achievable reality. Why, you ask.

Well, the answer lies with the way Mother Nature designed the universe. She bestowed upon women the responsibility of child-bearing and society interpreted that as child-bearing and child-rearing as well. A child is the joint responsibility of parents. In reality in most households, this is not the case. It is considered the primary responsibility of the woman to ensure the well-being of the child and the men are expected to be the bread-winners of the family. If you see, both these responsibilities are equally important. A family cannot survive without money and a child is a dependent being, cannot survive without the nourishment of the parents.

If women are to enter the workplace, then are men going to excel at home? No, the working woman is expected to manage everything. Home as if she were a home-maker and work as if she were an “equal” with any other male employee in the workplace.

If women, are to fulfil their responsibility as mothers, then, how are they to step out of the house to lead teams, companies and nations? I am ever-so-curious about how the successful woman, mothers in today’s world have made it work for them.

Being a working woman, I have my limitations.

I cannot afford to stretch at work beyond a particular hour. I need to get back home to the searching eyes of my child. Do men feel the same sense of responsibility? I don’t think so. This does not mean they love their children any less or don’t care about their off-springs. They just chose to prioritize their work commitments above their personal ones.

Can a woman afford to do the same? I am not going to open the evil door of other people’s judgment etc. here because that is a never-changing phenomena. Instead, I chose to talk about the practical difficulties attached to this situation. If the mother doesn’t get home within a particular time, who will make the dinner? Who will relieve the child’s caretaker from their duties? OK, I can hear you say, haven’t you heard of restaurants or catering or cooks? OK, how often is an acceptable number for the children to eat out? Is it healthy for the children to be serving and eating their meals by themselves? No help extended is for an unlimited period of time.

Assuming the best-case scenarios, the caretakers are our parents. Please remember that our parents are getting old too. Having catered to the need of the infant or toddler all day, they need to turn in earlier than they usually do. They need their rest.

Post dinner-time and a really long ritual of bed-time and the house is quiet, there are other tasks that are screaming for attention. Putting the cleaned utensils away, putting the washed clothes away and planning the meals for the next day. And I think every other working mother would agree with me when I say, this is the probably the only 30-60 minute window when we can unwind and relax from the responsibilities we carry at work and home.

Some critical questions that I never realized were a concern before becoming a mother myself are –

1. Who is going to take care of the child? – Day-care? Strangers employed as Nannies? Or are we to entrust and therefore burden, our parents with this responsibility?
2. Is the child’s up-bringing the parent’s responsibility or is it okay to delegate that responsibilities to the primary caregiver as chosen above?
3. How many of us are comfortable with the decisions made for our children by others?

I understand what I have done here is presented a problem and haven’t really proposed any tangible solutions or drawn any conclusions. Well, the truth is that I don’t really know the answers to the questions I have asked. I don’t know what the right thing to do here is.