When I found out earlier this year that I was pregnant with my second child, this was the exact sequence of reactions – happiness, anxiety, and full blown guilt. My first born was just three years old and was still my little baby – so helpless, so naive and practically needed me for everything! Wasn’t I abandoning him in a way by bringing another baby into the house?
A few months later as I slowly began to make peace with the fact that baby 2 was a reality, people around me (family and friends) suddenly started saying I needed to finally ‘cut the umbilical cord’ with my first born as when the next baby came along, he needed to learn to spend a little time away from me. With that all those feelings of guilt, anxiety, and abandonment issues came rushing back! What in the world was I doing?
It turns out I wasn’t alone. Feelings like these are pretty common with second time moms. Here are a few things that went through my mind and surprisingly many second time moms agreed!
1. Will I be able to love again? The first time around your child is everything. You are a first time mom and you and your baby have learned the ropes together. Everything is a first – diaper changes, breastfeeding, his first smile, his first word. So you learn to savour every moment. That leads you to the inevitable comparison with your second child. Will you be able to shower the same amount of love on your next child? (Hint: Yes you will!)
2. How will my older child feel? This is a valid question and some amount of jealousy will surface. But know that every mom feels this way and there are tons of ways you can prepare your first born for a sibling. Start early and know that once the baby comes you already have a little helper by your side.
3. Am I forcing my first born to grow up too fast? It is the law of nature. Your first born must move on to assume an older role as soon as the younger one is born. It isn’t fair and we hate doing that to them but do it we must. It actually happens unconsciously. We suddenly start saying, “You are a big boy/girl now. Learn to do things on your own.”
4.Can I go through the fourth trimester again? While pregnancy and labour bring with their own set of experiences and feelings, what I found the most challenging the first time around was post partum or as is commonly known – the fourth trimester. Breastfeeding, post partum blues, sleepless nights, hormonal imbalances, arguments with my spouse…the list goes on. So this time around that was what I feared the most.
5. How will I manage? I can’t manage with one, how in the world would I manage a job, my home, and two children! Having two children definitely means double the work. Two tiffin boxes, two school bags to pack, two sets of clothes to lay out, two bathtimes…you get the double drift right? But it all ends up working out, apparently.
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Mansi Zaveri
Janani S Koushik
