Gopika Kapoor, the author of well known books like Spiritual Parenting: Wisdom (and Wit) for Raising your Child in a Stress-free and Spiritual Environment, asks all the mommies to spend their time doing activities that they enjoy rather their following certain norms that restrict them to do so.
It’s 3am. I lie awake, eyes squeezed shut. I try deep breathing, I try counting sheep. Next to me, my husband sleeps, snoring gently. The sound, like the song of whales should lull me to sleep. But still I’m awake with eyes wide shut.
Visions of my children all grown up come before me. Their faces are as they are right now, juxtaposed on adult bodies. What will they grow up to be, I wonder? Where will they study? How will they make a living? Who will they marry?
Reading this, you probably have an impression of me as a paranoid, highly controlling mum. Trust me, I’m not. But every once in a while, I’m woken by something and while trying to fall asleep, my mind veers towards a place it has no business going to – the future. Once it has travelled there, there’s no going back.
In the Bhagvad Geeta, Krishna tells Arjuna that your mind can be your best friend or your worst enemy. Right now, as the digital clock flashes 3:27, it seems to be my enemy rather than my friend.
As I continue to lie in bed, I’m besieged by thoughts of all that can potentially go wrong in my children’s lives – horrors too numerous and fantastical to name. I’m feeling uneasy, and it’s not the chole-puri I ate for dinner.
Then I remember something else Krishna says: that you have no control over the future. What is to be has already been written. Our job is to live in the present, accept all that comes to us. And surrender to all that is to be.
Sounds good, I think, but easier said than done. But as the hours pass and I’m still awake, I think more about surrender, especially in the context of being a parent. Kahlil Gibran said it right: our children are not our children. They may come through us, may be with us, yet they belong not to us. Accepting this is so hard for a parent, and yet in this lies surrender.
It’s 5:36 and I feel like I’ve had an epiphany: there will be many more nights when I’m awakened and start thinking about my kids. But knowing and accepting that they have their own lives to lead, that the future will come to them in whichever way it does, makes me feel oddly liberated and comforted at the same time. I have to do my job; life will take care of the rest.
The sky is starting to pale and suddenly I’m feeling very sleepy. I cuddle into my husband’s back. The dog stirs on the bed and buries his nose into my foot. The children are asleep in their beds, safe and secure. For now, all is well. All is right. I surrender to this feeling and drift off to sleep.
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Parul Gupta
Tarun Sakhrani
